


Zero Redeeming Qualities

by washi



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Undertale Multiverse | UTMV (Undertale), Angst, Fake Dating, Fontcest, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Potential for Spicy Kustard, Slow Burn, bad bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 01:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/washi/pseuds/washi
Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**—RED—**

Red cursed every stars damned decision he had ever made that led to this point.

From fucking with Gaster’s machine to befriending the multiversal duplicates of he and his brother, every decision Red ever made had been a fucking mistake.

He had spent the entire night before trying to figure out a way out of the _stupid_ _dare_.

Why had he even _tried_ to outdrink the Swap Papyrii? All it got him was a hangover and being on the wrong side of the shittiest wager on the planet.

Red tried to convince himself that they’d forget about the bet soon. There was no need to actually _go through with it_ … but he knew that wasn’t true. Edge had a mind like a steel trap, Red doubted the other Papyrii, Swaps or not, were any different.

Red might not have much, but he still had his pride.

He glanced back up at the door of Sans and Papyrus’ apartment.

Red liked Papyrus. The tall skeleton was a softer version of his own brother; kind-hearted, friendly, and optimistic to the point of naiveté. He was passionate and affectionate, full of boundless energy and warmth. Red had nothing bad to say about him.

He was what Edge should have been, _would_ have been, had their universe not beaten the light out of him.

Red’s own counterpart, Sans, however … well it wasn’t that Red _disliked_ Sans. He barely knew the Tale version of himself. Sans was distant and aloof, apparently uninterested in getting to know his alternates or the alternates of his brother. He hadn’t made any effort to get to know any of them. Even when the get togethers were at his own home, Sans avoided them.

If that was all, Red couldn’t care, figuring his alternate was just distrustful. He could understand that - at first he hadn’t wanted to get to know Razz or Blue. But Sans and Papyrus … didn’t get along. When they were together they were tense, and if someone brought Sans up around Papyrus he would become upset.

Sans had obviously done something to cause the massive rift between the brothers, something so terrible Papyrus couldn’t forgive him. Something Sans would not or could not fix.

Red avoided Sans.

 _Everyone_ avoided Sans.

Red sighed, finally working up the courage to knock on the door.

_Shave-and-a-haircut_

The muffled sounds of someone getting up and shuffling footsteps getting closer helped Red relax some. He hadn’t wanted to explain his sudden interest to Papyrus. But he was always loud and exuberant, the opposite of what Red could hear through the door.

There were two knocks back ( _two-bits)_ before the door opened, revealing a rumpled Sans.

“hey red,” he said, leaning against the doorframe with a yawn. “papyrus isn’t here. want me to tell him you stopped by?”

“actually,” Red said as he shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets. He looked away from Sans. “i wanted t’ talk t’you.”

“really?” Sans asked as he tensed, “you … did Paps put you up to this? ”

“no, no!” Red said quickly, before he blushed and looked away. “i’m jus’ … i’m curious about ya, that’s all.”

It wasn’t a _lie_.

Red was curious _about_ Sans. He wondered what the other had done to cause such a rift between him and his brother. It was a mystery, one Red found important (if only so he wouldn’t repeat Sans’ mistakes).

He wasn’t curious about _Sans_ , though. Red didn’t care to get to know the other.

Sans made Papyrus uncomfortable. Papyrus found his presence upsetting.

That was enough of a reason for Red to keep his distance.

“anyway, I was thinkin’ we could go out, get some coffee. Talk or somethin’,” Red continued, rocking on his heels nervously.

Sans didn’t respond immediately, his face neutral and impassive.

“oh, uh … s-sure,” he said, a beat too late. He pushed himself off the door frame, settling into an easy slouch. “You wanna go now, or - ?”

“tomorrow,” Red said, cutting off Sans’ question. “around five?”

It was late for coffee but Sans worked a night shift. Any earlier would be too early.

“I can do that,” Sans said, settling back on his heels. “where’d’you wanna meet up?”

“i’ll come pick ya up,” Red said. He hadn’t thought of a place to go, yet.

“ ‘kay,” Sans shrugged. “sounds like a date.”

His eyelights had brightened a little, Red noticed.

He was … _excited_?

“…right,” Red said, debating between arguing that it most certainly _was not_ a date and not acknowledging the statement at all. Guilt coiled in his marrow. “see ya tomorrow.”

He turned on his heels and stepped into a shortcut, landing in his bedroom with a soft thump.

 _Stars damn it all_.

**—SANS—**

Sans leaned against the closed door, processing what had just happened. Going over the entire interaction, looking for the trick, the lie.

Red came over to talk to _Sans_. Not Papyrus.

Their alternates didn’t come by their apartment anymore. Sans made them uncomfortable. He was too awkward and uneasy around them. He made the room feel tense and unwelcoming.

Red had come over to talk to Sans. About getting together for some coffee.

Red wanted to talk. To _Sans_.

He didn’t know what to think.

Deep in his Soul he felt a twinge of not-pain that almost made him cry out.

He stifled the urge, smothering his cry to a whimper.

Sans pushed off of the door, stepping through a shortcut and landing on his bare mattress with a soft _whump_. He shoved the twinge of feeling in his soul to the side, unwilling to entertain it for long.

He had to be rational about this.

There were two options - either Red was being sincere, or he was being a jackass.

Sans checked the time on his phone, noting it was still a couple hours before Papyrus got home. Long enough for him to have a nap.

Sans closed his eyes, falling asleep quickly. As his consciousness faded he let himself hope that Red wouldn’t stand him up tomorrow.

_It’d be nice if it wasn’t a prank._


	2. Oops?

Somehow I made two instances of the same story. Anyone who is reading/has this version bookmarked, please go [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064638/chapters/74041554), which is where future updates will be found (and also has more chapters!). I'll keep this up for a week and then remove it after that point.


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